Breathing

Back in november I quit my managing job, they have finaly found a replacement and I am finished as of this week.

I couldnt handle it, I think at another time in my life and with the proper medication, (just kidding, except not really) I could have done it but right now I just cant.

So right now I am feeling anxious and a little (or a lot) stressed out trying to finish everything that I should have had done a long time ago before I pass everything on to the new girl. She seems good and competent and I think that she will be able to do better then I did.

I have quite the range of mixed emotions over this. I feel bad for quitting, I wish I could have handled it better, if the year had gone differently for me I would not be where I am now. I wish I could have sucked it up and kept going and I could feel like I overcame something rather then giving up. I feel like I let people down. The money was good and it could have helped us get into a house a lot sooner.

On the other hand I am looking forward to not having the stress of a job that I cant leave at work, one that comes home with me every day because that is where it is. Im looking forward on concentrating on my own family and life and being able to get that where I want to be. I am happy that I will have less phone messages to check YAY, Im tired of phones and messages.

So here is to a new year with some unexpected changes, perhaps some different employment for me (give me a few months to decide on that one though) and some time spent with my family.

For now though I will just concentrate on breathing and putting one foot in front of another.

Today my daughter wished out loud she had a roll of duct tape. Why would a 7 year old need duct tape you might ask? Well I wanted to know too, so I asked her.

So she could tape her brothers mouth shut.

I didnt know wether to laugh or ground her for life. And to think, one day she will be a teenager.

Im in so much trouble.

A case of the Yahyahs

Skyler has an interesting speach impediment. I call it the Yahyahs. Well I dont know if it really qualifies as an impediment as much as an amusing quirk. When he uses certian vowel sounds he likes to elongate the sound and add a yah sound.

The kids like to be sung to every night. Ryan always picks "Tell me the stories of Jesus" so after I sing to Ryan Skyler likes me to sing "Jesus" to him too. Skyler has started to sing along with me when I do this. So it goes.

"Tell me the stories of Jesus, I long to heyahyahyear..."

or when he feels wronged he will exclaim:

"No Fayahyahyair!"

Added to the fact he also has the cutest gruff quality to his voice it is really cute.




'

Brotherly love.

Ryan can be quite protective of his little brother. One sunday we were trying to get out of the crowded halls at church. I had Lane in his carseat by the wall, beside him were a couple kids who were bumping into each other. Ryan was hovering over Lane when he saw them bump into the car seat.

"There's a real baby in here and you bumped him!"

He was so concerned. Of all the kids Ryan is the most taken with him. He is always hugging, kissing, touching loving. For the most part it is endearing but sometimes I just wish he didnt have to touch him to love him.

So if you see us out with the car seat somewhere, just remember there is a real baby in there!